Remembering

As I was reading some of my Facebook friends status update today (the ones from people without children), I started thinking back to my life before having kids. Jonny and I were so carefree, relaxed, easy going and slept well. It was not rare for us to throw some clothes in a bag on Friday evening and head out of town for the weekend or jump on the motorcycle at 7:00pm and head to Lake George (a 45 minute to 1 hour ride) to play mini golf or something as simple as going out to eat or go tanning. Life was easy and required no planning to leave the house for a simple errand or took days to plan for a babysitter so that I could go tanning (which I haven't done in over 3 years). I was feeling a little bit of jealousy, missing those carefree days.

Doesn't he look like an angel here

But then my little guy Zachy in his feety pj's climbs into my arms for some snuggle time. This is my life now. We snuggle, wipe noses, change diapers, wipe tears, shed tears, clean up messes, get sloppy kisses, warm hugs, no sleep, endless planning, few restaurants, and much more thankless, none thrilling sometimes frustrating tasks. As I sit in the chair snuggling Zachy I realize yet again that I am truly blessed and more than happy with where I am in my life and would not have it any other way. Then as the guilt starts creeping in for longing for my past life...I push it away. I have no reason to feel guilty about remembering or missing that part of my life. It was great and wonderful! I can love all the stages of my life and I can less than thrilled with other stages of it. Remembering the past is helpful in shaping my future.

Sick of all the sickness

The last month or more has been pretty rough with sickness in this house. Between the croup, sniffles, sore throats and fevers we have been a sickly crew. The boys seem to be on the up swing other than Zachy's runny nose and rash (probably due to a nut allergy. more on that later).

Sick Zachy face with a little runny nose.

But it has been my turn again. This time I really think it is strep throat but I am really hoping just a virus. I would hate to have to be on antibiotics. They really don't agree with my body. What amazes me is the look of shock when someone finds out I am sick or asks how I am feeling and I say "like crap!" The response I get is usually something like "I would have never guessed you felt so bad. You have been running around, playing outside, cooking and everything".

the kids and the snowman we built while I was running a 102 fever,
felt like I was swallowing razor blades and had shooting pain in my ear.

Really...what am I suppose to do with a working husband and 3 or more kids. I don't have the option to climb back into bed and sleep it off. And it does me no good to not entertain the kids or they get bored and drive me more nuts. To be honest most of these responses are from people with no kids or who can send their kids to daycare and go back home to bed. Most stay at home moms know what it is like. I am not saying working moms have it easier, because that just opens up a whole new can of worms that I am not willing to get into. I am just saying it is different. I don't have the option of calling in sick...my kids don't go anywhere. So, I medicate myself with Motrin and cough drops until I feel sick to my stomach, put a smile on my face and try my best. Sometimes the illness gets the best of me, I get extra cranky and I try to lay down on the couch for a few minutes. But laying on the couch must be an invite for the kids to climb and jump on me. Oh well...the blessings of motherhood.

Stop being so picky and be thankful!

After spending some time praying, reading and writing my last post. I realize I need to stop being so picky about the help we receive and be thankful. Sometimes it takes me writing things out and speaking to God to see things clearly.

Yes, I am truly thankful for the help that my MIL give us. She may not take Zachy or babysit him the way I would like, but she does do so much other things. Today for example she has taken the big boys to her house for the day. She did not have to, but I am very happy she did. Zachy was up ever 2 to 3 hours last night leaving me very tired and prone to grumpiness. She comes to our house almost every Saturday morning bringing donuts and bacon. While here she picks up the kitchen and will fold laundry if there is some to be folded (usually there is plenty). Financially she has helped us where she could. For Jon's birthday instead of buying something he really does not need she will pay for a year of life insurance. My MIL does help us in her own ways and for that I am very thankful.
As for my sister...her relationship with her dogs is not for me to judge. I can chose to protect my children and sanity which may mean staying away from her house and still have a relationship with her over the phone or at our house. She will not leave her dogs home alone for very long (if at all) so she just is not an option to watch Zachy here at my house. Instead of being sad I will try to be positive and thankful for the help she did give me with my other two boys.
With the help of Gods grace I will remain positive and not let the sadness and negative thoughts grab hold.

Only One...

There is something to be said for having only one child. The other night I had a little taste of being with only one. I certainly have been with one of my three children before but it is rare and when it does happen I am usually with the baby. But last night I had a wonderful one on one evening with my oldest, Ryan. I have to sadly admit poor Ryan does not get enough one on one time with me. If we get out without the baby we almost always have Griffin and we are usually running errands instead of having fun or quality time. Well, the other night, Ryan and I spent the evening at Tee ball. I was able to warm up with him, tossing the ball around and laughing. All without having to stop to chase Zachy or give a turn to Griffin. Then I was able to sit in my fold up chair and watch the WHOLE game. No running to the bathroom a dozen times, feeding a hungry little one or changing a diaper. My big guy is one hell of a Tee ball player. The boy can hit, throw, catch sometimes and even knows how to make a real play. After that we went to the grocery store. How quick and easy that trip was. Honestly, that was my second time to the grocery store that day, but who is counting. Ryan and I got home before Jonny and the other two, so I was washing up a few dishes and shelling some hard boiled eggs while Ryan sat at the table eating an Italian ice. We chatted some more. As I was shelling the eggs, I thought how nice it is just being me and Ryan. No one pulling on my pants crying to be picked up, the only one between my legs and the cabinets is the dog, no toddler climbing on me and no preschooler whining for his Italian ice. How calm, how quiet, how....boring! Yes, having only one gets to be little Boring! Don't get me wrong when Ryan was a baby and we only had him I never found it boring. Now after having three, it is just a little boring having one for too long. Having three is chaos most of the time, it is loud, it is crazy and my head spins a lot. Just has these thoughts were coming into my mind, in walks Jonny with Zachy and Griffin. Right away Zachy is at my legs, pulling my clothes trying to climb up to be held. Griffin sees Ryan's Italian Ice and starts "No fair he has icy!", as I tell him his is in the freezer. And Jonny starts with his story of their adventure. I smile inside, this is it...our crazy life, my crazy life. Far from boring and I wouldn't have it any other way!

We are truly blessed...

What a wonderful weekend we had. I truly feel blessed. It all started Saturday morning...
I decided to join Grace Congregational Church a while back, and Saturday morning was the new member class. Over the week I had talked to Jonny about joining with me. He was really unsure of his beliefs and had a lot of questions regarding faith, church and God in general. I asked him to do the new member class just because it was important to me and would love to have him there with me. On top of making me very happy I told him it might answer some of the questions he has. Jonny did come with me on Saturday morning and had a really good time. He hit off with Rev Jon (who couldn't, he is one of the most wonderful guys I know. Not to mention very funny) and enjoyed talking with the other new members. We learned a lot about Grace Church and the UCC. Grace has a wonderful history, it really blew my mind just how rich Grace's history is. The class confirmed my decision to join the Church and gave Jonny the little push to making his decision to join.
After the class we had a wonderful time with my sister Gia, who lives in Maine. She made the trip down to be here for the Baptism of me and my boys. I can't tell you how much that meant to me.
Sunday was the induction of new members to the Church and our Baptism. It was such a nice service. The boys behaved beautifully and the Baptism was so moving. I was the first one Baptized. While Rev. Tracy was placing the water on my head, Zachy was watching every move she made. When she was done he started wiping my head to get the water. It was just so cute. Griffin and Ryan were next and the answered Tracy's questions about wanting to be Baptized and marked as children of Christ very well. I am so proud of them. Rev. Tracy took Zachy out of my arms and held him while she Baptized him. I was a little nervous that he would cry and scream, but it was just as calm and relaxed. As she placed the water on his head he put his little hand up to feel the water. It was just a perfect ceremony. After all that Jonny and I, along with his sister Jodi and about 11 others were announced as members of the Church. Yes, Jonny joined the Churh with me and the boys. Rev. Tracy and Rev Jon and the whole congregation is just so welcoming. After the service we had a receiving line in fellowship hall and every member came up and welcomed us, introduced themselves and congratulated us. It was such a special morning. I will never forget it.

After having such a nice morning, the afternoon and evening could have went down the drain in comparison. But it was just as nice. We had family over for Ted's pizza (which is hands down the best pizza). Then off to an early bed time.

You would think that I should be grumpy from the lack of sleep. Zachy has been waking up all night long for weeks. It is getting old, but even without the sleep I need this weekend was just amazing. Thank you everyone that was part of it.

***Please Pray for Stellan***

The weekend is over

As our weekend comes to an end, I am thankful for all that I have. My family is healthy, happy and safe. My boys are growing by leaps and bounds, as healthy children do. My husband and I are "finding" each other again. I thoroughly enjoy my friends company (bloggy friends included). My spiritual life is expanding. I just feel so fulfilled right now. It was only yesterday I prayed to the Lord for some guidance because I could feel the gray of depression sneaking in. I haven't had any symptoms of depression since before Zachy was born. And as the darkness was slowly creeping in I sat down and prayed. I needed some help to overcome this, I knew I couldn't do it myself. It has been many years of trying to conquer it alone, never being able to beat it. Since I have found myself in the Grace of God, I feel I can conquer anything. So, yesterday I prayed and spoke with God about my feelings, and low and behold I am feeling much better. There is a new light in my life. I know it may sound silly, but this is the real deal. I have never in my life prayed like this and never in my life felt so good about everything. I realize my life is not "perfect" but I am seeing all the good that is in it. Believe me when I say there is a lot of "bad" things in my life, hard things, sad things. But with God on my side they do not seem so overwhelming. I pray that all of you can find this feeling in your lives. Like my blog friend CC says "a place called peace".

Well now that I said my piece on faith I just want to fill you in on our weekend. Yesterday, Ryan had a birthday party for his friend from school, Skylar. This was very hard on Griffin. It was the first party or event that Ryan was invited to and was not asked to bring Griffin. I knew it was coming, as Ryan goes to the "big" school, he is going to have a life of his own. Griffin really had a hard time with this. I tried my best to make him feel like he wasn't missing out. We played wii together, and tried to play a few games. But his feelings were hurt and he just wanted to watch a movie. What movie did he pick...."Back to the Future". It is just sooo crazy, he loves these movies just like his father. I can't believe it. So, being the nice mommy I am (even though I can't stand those movies) I put it in the DVD player. Thankfully he fell asleep a few minutes into the movie. So much for having special time with just me and Griffin.
Today we went to church. This was the first time they both went to Church School without giving me a hard time. Griffin has gone a couple of times, but not Ryan. Well today was his day, off he went without looking back. I must admit he went into the preschool class room because he wanted to stay with Griffin, even though he should have been in the upstairs kindergarten room. But we didn't push it, as long as he was going that was all we could ask for. After church we had lunch and a little clean up time, then I packed them up to go to the indoor pool (sorry Jodi, we would have called so you could join us, I just didn't want to wake you. I knew you were going to try to nap). They had a blast, but I got a huge headache from the smell of the chemicals and the heat/humidity in there. I was able to start Ryan's scarf even will the headache. After swimming we picked up dinner at KFC and headed home.

As the evening wore on the boys were bathed and in bed by 7:00pm. WoooHooo. 3 boys clean and asleep. What a great ending to a great weekend.

I just had to share this picture. Griffin is just so cute...even from behind.

Knitting night

I had a wonderful time with my Knit and Bitch group of ladies. We are really a fun group of women who help each other with our knitting and we also talk about everything in our lives. From husbands, kids and sex to religion, cars, and food. It is so nice to sit around with women and share. I feel very blessed to have all these women in my life.
Now off to do some laundry, then running around for the kids.
Thank God it is Friday!!

A wonderful Sunday!

Today was a wonderful Sunday! Although it was really cold outside, we were warmed by friends and family all around us. This morning started out with our new "normal" Sunday at church. I am really liking attending church services at Grace. I find myself looking forward to going. Since this was only our second time going, I am hoping I continue to enjoy it. Grace is so welcoming and family friendly, which is what I am really looking for. The boys seem to be liking it also. This morning Ryan started giving me a hard time about going. I think it has more to do with the fact that Jonny isn't going with us. But I explained to him that going to church is something that is very important to me right now and we are going. He seemed to accept that and by the time we got to church he was fine. They are getting comfortable with being there. As a matter of fact, Ryan took Griffin to the bathroom without having an adult with him. The boys also did the children's service. Which is going up to the front of the sanctuary and have something read to them, pray or answer some questions as a group. I am so proud of them! Maybe they will go to the church school next Sunday. My sister-in-law Jodi joined us this morning. I do wish she had come with us last week. Although it still was a very nice sermon, last weeks was just more touching. It was nice to share my new found belief with someone. I hope she will join us again.

This afternoon the older boys and I went the the field house for some ice skating. We were meeting up with some new friends of ours. Griffin really didn't like it last time we were there, but today he was awesome! He grabbed a couple of milk crates and off he went. He didn't care that we were not with him. He was just so happy to be on the ice. Ryan of course did really well. He is just a natural at any sport. But at first he did not want to go on the ice. I did not have any skates so I could not go out with them, and our friends had not shown up yet. And we all know Ryan has to have someone (other than Griffin) with him to be able to do something the first time. But with Griffin out there all by himself, I told Ryan to just go skate with him. He finally did and then our friends showed up, so all was good. I had a great time talking to Nora, and the kids had a great time with her children, Ashley and Dillon. I hope we can all do it again sometime.

We finished off a wonderful day with ordering a bunch of Girl Scout Cookies and having Ted's pizza for dinner.

Odds and ends

I have nothing really important to write about (not that my blog ever has really important stuff). I just wanted to gush a little about my wonderful kids and post a few pictures that I took over the last couple of weeks.
My little Zachy is being the wonderful baby we all know and love. Today at the grocery store he was sure to smile and giggle and baby talk to everyone in the store. I love getting the comments about how cute and happy his is. Usually when I go the store I have 3 or 4 kids and all I hear is "wow, you have your hands full" even when the kids are being very good and quiet. I don't think having 3 kids is a lot and when I have Becca that makes 4. Did everyone forget not that long ago it wasn't unusual to have 5 or 6 kids. I have a mere 3, really its not that hard (well, sometimes it is).
Griffin is being extra lovable and huggy. He just wants to cuddle and love us. In between the whining and tantrums that 4 year old have.
That leaves my oldest Ryan. He is such a sensitive guy. He does really think of others a lot. With Brads death he has been really concerned about Abby, Becca and Lynn. He made a wonderful card for them. We are told that Ryan has befriended a little Autistic boy in his class. Ryan tells us how A is his best friend. Ryan takes good care of A. He also helps this little girl L. She has had a very hard life and Ryan helps her with hew tray at lunch, her coat, her backpack and all the little things this girl needs. He is the first one to offer to help with A. When we pick Ryan up from school every child walking by makes sure to say good-bye to him. He is well liked and very nice to all the kids at school. Yesterday I noticed the new little girl was seated next to Ryan. I wonder if it is best he is such a nice boy.
Last but not least. My husband Jonny. I am extremely luck to have him (for the most part). He does a lot of the house work, laundry, and yard care. He does really well taking care of the boys (maybe a little improvement with Zachy). He loves taking Griffin to school and picking both boys up if he can. He tries to include the boys in the work around the house.
I guess by writing this post I am really saying how thankful I am for having such a wonderful family, and I wouldn't be able to carry on without any of them. I am truly blessed.

Beautiful Day

We woke up this morning to a beautiful snowy day. The snow is falling but the sun is out. It is just gorgeous. Ryan and Griffin have already been out to play, and now are waiting for Daddy to come pick them up to go plowing. It will be just Zachy and I for a while. I love having the baby all to myself. Sounds a bit selfish but he is growing so fast. I don't want to miss a second of him. At 9 months old he still wakes once a night (most of the time) to nurse. I really don't mind it, I might grumble a little when I first get out of bed, but once he is in my arms everything is just perfect.

Blessed

I am sitting here crying my eyes out at a tv show. Brothers and Sisters is a great show. It reminds me of my family. We are large and a little dysfunctional but always love each other and have fun. But in this episode a baby is very sick and needs a liver transplant. It is too hard to watch things like that. I am just so thankful that my kids are healthy. I could not image what it must be like to have a very sick baby. I just want to go upstairs and hold all three of my kids.

On a happier note: It is snowing!!! I just love this time of year. The snow makes everything beautiful. I just hope we get has much as they are calling for.

Cuddles

I am just sitting with Zachy asleep on my lap. This is one of the most wonderful things about being mom. Just holding my wonderful baby. I sit here breathing him in. I am sure it must sound odd, but the "smell" of my children just calms me. I love to feel their warm, smell that baby smell, and hear their breathing. It is really a blessing!

The kids and I had a wonderful day. We went to the grocery store and the mall. Everyone behaved wonderfully. It makes me feel good and proud that my kids can be so well behaved. Because sometimes it is just the opposite.

"good boy"

It has been a while since my last entry. I am just terrible about staying current on anything. That includes laundry, dishes and general housekeeping. Jonny (my husband) is usually pretty good at going these things when I slack off, but why does he need a pat on the back, the good boy, great job and thank you every time he does something. I don't get anything from him when I do it, and I get so mad to think it is because these things are viewed as "my job". I have never gotten at thank you from him for keeping the kids feed, clothed, cleaned and safe every day. For playing endless rounds of Candyland and trucks so that they don't bother him. I am sorry, I might just be tired, because I am the one that gets up with all three kids, while he snores on.

On a lighter note...I am so Thankful for everything I have. My kids are wonderful and healthy, my family was all together for Thanksgiving, and I have the best time being able to volunteer at the kids school. For that I have to thank my husband. He really has done everything to make it possible for me to not have to work. So, I guess I can suck it up and pat him on the back when he does the dished "for me" as he likes to put it.

First Snow, Thankful Nights

I was so happy to wake up today to see some snow! That is November in Vermont, one day it is almost 60 degrees and we are wearing T-shirts the next day there is snow on the ground. I just love it. Snow also helped get the boys out of bed this morning. What little boy doesn't love snow? Ryan jumped up to look out the window, he never jumps out of bed.

Last night:
As I lay in bed last night listening to the baby monitor I was thanking God for our little guy Zachy. He wasn't a planned pregnancy (far from it) but honestly he was the most wanted. My husband Jonny decided for us that we were not having any more children after Griffin. I agreed with him because sometimes life is just easier if we agree with him. But a couple of years later, life had a different plan for us. After the initial shock, I was more than thrilled. Who wouldn't be thrilled with a little baby?! And just so happy that the choice was taken out of our hands. We didn't have to agree or disagree, there was no discussion. He was just on his way. I have to tell you, having a third baby and knowing that it was our last, I was able to truly enjoy everything. When you are a new first time mom, you really don't know how to enjoy it all. You just don't know what to look for. With our second child I was just so tired all the time to think about relishing in the fact I have another baby. Our third is just a blessing in every way. Knowing that he was our last made me just enjoy every little thing. It also helps that Zachy is just the most happy little guy, easy going, sleeps most of the night and nurses well. If anyone reading this thinking about having a third child. Go for it! The third is just an amazing, wonderful addition.