Sunday, July 12, 2009

Terribly Sad

Right now I am feeling terribly sad. I have this dilemma that I just don't know how to deal with. Let me start by saying I have never left Zachary with anyone other than family. And when I say family it is just a couple of them. I am not comfortable leaving my children with anyone, I chose to have them so I should not "pawn" them off on other people. I understand that I need to sometimes and it is healthy to leave them with others. Anyway, I have been thinking about bringing the big boys (Ryan and Griffin) to the bowling alley or driving range. Which we know from experience that the bowling alley is no place for Zachy...

I would love to leave him with someone so I can spend so time doing these things with the big boys. They need more of my attention, since Zachy gets so much of it lately.

But the problem is...Courtney (who is my niece that almost always watches Zachy) got a job and will not be available to me. My sister is so obsessed with her dogs she can't seem to keep her mind straight enough to watch the kids. And my MIL is just "too busy".
What makes me so sad about all this, you ask. My sister used to watch my boys a lot. They loved going to her house, but she has taken this strange turn in her life and is so whacked about her dogs it is so uncomfortable to be at her house. The dogs have the "right of way" in the house, to the point that they come out of the pool soaked and jump up on her couch to dry off. This leaves no where for the humans to sit. Not to mention her younger dog, Daia (which is no longer young enough to be considered a puppy) has no manners. I just don't like that Daia is "allowed" to jump on, nip, and slobber all over my baby. My sister never disciplines her and seems to think it is the kids fault that Daia is all over them. To top it all off I don't feel that Zachy would be watched well by my sister because she is so overly concerned about her dogs she may neglect to see a danger. He may wander outside, because the door is always left open for the dogs, and find his way into the pool and she may never notice. I am so sad that my sister puts her dogs before anyone else, not just my boys, but her own grandsons.
Secondly, I am sadden because my mother is so old and ill she can't watch my boys. When she is in her right mind (she has dementia), she would love to have the boys. It kills her that she can't take care of them. When I was young she always had my nephews and nieces over. She babysat for everyone and honestly I don't ever remember her saying she was "too busy" for her grand kids. My MIL on the other hand is more often than not, just too busy to babysit. And when she does babysit it is always will stipulations. We have to be home by this time or she can only do it at her house and it is usually just the older boys. Honestly I don't know if she can handle Zachy. I can't remember the last time she babysat Zachy. I think it may have been when he was 6 weeks old and I was in a wedding. It just makes me so sad because my mom would love to watch them, if only she could.
Now this may seem petty. Like I said it was my choice to have kids so I shouldn't expect people to babysit for me. My MIL has raised her kids, it is not her "duty" to babysit. My sister has every right to choose to put her dogs first priority. And really, it is about time that Courtney has a job. It just makes me so sad that I don't have my mom ready and able to help me, like she was for my sisters and their kids.
I wish I could put aside my issue about strangers watching my children just long enough to get to know someone outside the family. It would certainly make my life a little easier in the long run.

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