Sweet Griffin

My middle child, Griffin, can be such a sweet and thoughtful little guy. Just when I think that my talking to the boys are just to hear my own voice...Last week during our bedtime prayers, Griffin says to me "Mommy, I really like saying prayers." Oh how that did my heart good! All the nights of saying prayers and not knowing if they are "getting" anything from it, and not knowing if I am having them say prayers just to make myself feel good. He gives me a little ray of hope...my words and feelings do get through.

Then just the other night as we are saying our prayers (which I lead and they usually just repeat what I say), Griffin stops me and says "Mommy, can we thank God for the army men?" I just about burst into tears and say "of course! Go ahead Griff you say it". So Griffin in his little boy way says "Thank you God for the army men, and please keep them safe". Oh Man! I just can't believe how sweet and thoughtful he can be. I hugged him extra tight that night and covered him with more kisses just so he didn't see the tears in my eyes. Tears of happiness, love and hope.

Unbelieveable

I just have to share this. Some people will think I am nuts (well more nuts than we thought). As part of educating myself about religion and prayer, I pick up this Prayer book for everyday women. I have never really prayed before recently, and didn't know how. I have prayed for children to be taken care of and health of others, but I didn't know if I was doing it right. That sounds silly I know, but I picked up this book on sale really cheap. Another sign for God - oh that is another story for later. Anyway last night after my family went to bed I was flipping though this prayer book. I came a cross a prayer for self discipline...holy crap, I could use some (so my new religious out look is not changing my gutter mouth, some things even God can't change). Even a little motivation. Well there was one for that. So I read this out loud just to hear them, and after award think, I could use some motivation and self discipline when it comes to cleaning my house. Silly right, why would God or some higher power care if my house was clean.
Now, I am not a clean freak, no where near. I can let the dishes pile up, the rug be covered in dog hair, live out of laundry baskets, and get rings around the tub. My husband and mother -in-law are usually the ones to do most of the house work. I rather play with my kids. So, anyway, I woke up this morning and as usual checked my email and blog, fed the boys, packed Ryan's lunch and sat down to play with Zachy and Griffin. For some strange reason I got up and decided to do the dishwasher, without thinking about it. Then put Zachy down for a nap and did a little laundry. Zachy wakes up, I change his diaper and put him down to play. Then head to the hall closet without even thinking about it and pull the vacuum out. After I vacuumed the living room, hallway, stairs and half the kitchen, it hits me. I didn't have to struggle to do this...I wasn't even thinking about it. Normally I have to psych myself up to get cleaning, it may take hours or days, that's how much I really hate housework. But today without even thinking about it I was cleaning, at the same time Zachy was scooting all around me and the vacuum, happily playing not crying because my attention wasn't on him. Griffin was happy watching a show without me in the room (which never happens). I cleaned the stove and oven and counters. Now let me say that I understand God doesn't have time or energy to waste on getting me to do house work, but it would take some almighty power to get me off my ass and clean. Maybe my little housework prayer worked or I am getting my period. Whatever it was I am not chancing that it wasn't the prayer. I will keep praying, if nothing more than to make myself feel better.

Let me explain...

Let me explain my updated "about me section"

For those of who know me, it is weird to hear me speaking of God, religion and faith. I haven't "found" God as in finding a person, but more like I have found myself believing in a supreme being, more to the story than this, a higher power sort of thing. Most of my life I have never believed any anything other than "this is life". I am not sure if it is because I am getting older, having children or just the time, but I really "believing" in something more. It comforts me in a way I have never been comforted. The reason bad things happen isn't just because life sucks sometimes, but there is a reason beyond my own existence.
As far as "hearing" God. I am not hearing voices (well sometimes, JK HeeHee). I just have a feeling, sense, something I can't really explain, in my life. Never has this happened until recently. I have been pushing it aside for a while, but the last few months I have been listening, feeling, and I have some comfort in it.
I find myself looking forward to going to church on Sunday, and I am loving learning about God, Christ, and everything that goes along with them. I don't expect everyone to find God the way I have, but I just want everyone to look and learn. Maybe there is nothing for you, but what if there is. Only good can come from looking.
Enough of my soap box. Thanks for listening, and if my new found faith is annoying you - just tell me to stop talking about it.

A wonderful Sunday!

Today was a wonderful Sunday! Although it was really cold outside, we were warmed by friends and family all around us. This morning started out with our new "normal" Sunday at church. I am really liking attending church services at Grace. I find myself looking forward to going. Since this was only our second time going, I am hoping I continue to enjoy it. Grace is so welcoming and family friendly, which is what I am really looking for. The boys seem to be liking it also. This morning Ryan started giving me a hard time about going. I think it has more to do with the fact that Jonny isn't going with us. But I explained to him that going to church is something that is very important to me right now and we are going. He seemed to accept that and by the time we got to church he was fine. They are getting comfortable with being there. As a matter of fact, Ryan took Griffin to the bathroom without having an adult with him. The boys also did the children's service. Which is going up to the front of the sanctuary and have something read to them, pray or answer some questions as a group. I am so proud of them! Maybe they will go to the church school next Sunday. My sister-in-law Jodi joined us this morning. I do wish she had come with us last week. Although it still was a very nice sermon, last weeks was just more touching. It was nice to share my new found belief with someone. I hope she will join us again.

This afternoon the older boys and I went the the field house for some ice skating. We were meeting up with some new friends of ours. Griffin really didn't like it last time we were there, but today he was awesome! He grabbed a couple of milk crates and off he went. He didn't care that we were not with him. He was just so happy to be on the ice. Ryan of course did really well. He is just a natural at any sport. But at first he did not want to go on the ice. I did not have any skates so I could not go out with them, and our friends had not shown up yet. And we all know Ryan has to have someone (other than Griffin) with him to be able to do something the first time. But with Griffin out there all by himself, I told Ryan to just go skate with him. He finally did and then our friends showed up, so all was good. I had a great time talking to Nora, and the kids had a great time with her children, Ashley and Dillon. I hope we can all do it again sometime.

We finished off a wonderful day with ordering a bunch of Girl Scout Cookies and having Ted's pizza for dinner.

New Path

As most of you know, I am on the School Broad at Grace Preschool. I just love doing that, it is just a volunteer position, and maybe that is why it is so rewarding. Anyway, the school is in Grace Congregational Church, and we decided to send our boys there, not because we are church goers, but because it is an excellent school. But lately I have been feeling like I need something more. I thought it was that I need a sense of community, but as I have been reading other peoples blogs about religion and faith, I came to realize that maybe I need a little faith. I have been thinking of attending a couple of church services just to see if indeed I that is what I am missing. While all this was going on in my brain, I haven't really told anyone, my oldest son Ryan ask me "who is God and what is heaven? What happens when people die?" Those were hard question for me to answer, I can give him the science of what happens to people when they die but the questions of God and Heaven was really hard for me. Maybe it was a sign for me that we as a family need to gain so insight into religion. Last night at the board meeting in the church I talked a little to Rev. Tracy and a couple of the other women that are very active in the church. I also talked with another mom that is going though the same situation that I am. Which brings me to the decision to attend a couple of church services and have the boys go to the church school at that time. It couldn't hurt and the community that I have also been craving would be fulfilled with a wonderful group from the church. What better people to feel connected to. I also was invited to come to the woman's group that meets ever other week. I think I will go to that meeting also. I need to learn more about God, Jesus and all that. I really feel for the first time in my life, that I am missing out on having that faith and belief.

Here is Griffin at school singing holiday songs.