Sweet Griffin

My middle child, Griffin, can be such a sweet and thoughtful little guy. Just when I think that my talking to the boys are just to hear my own voice...Last week during our bedtime prayers, Griffin says to me "Mommy, I really like saying prayers." Oh how that did my heart good! All the nights of saying prayers and not knowing if they are "getting" anything from it, and not knowing if I am having them say prayers just to make myself feel good. He gives me a little ray of hope...my words and feelings do get through.

Then just the other night as we are saying our prayers (which I lead and they usually just repeat what I say), Griffin stops me and says "Mommy, can we thank God for the army men?" I just about burst into tears and say "of course! Go ahead Griff you say it". So Griffin in his little boy way says "Thank you God for the army men, and please keep them safe". Oh Man! I just can't believe how sweet and thoughtful he can be. I hugged him extra tight that night and covered him with more kisses just so he didn't see the tears in my eyes. Tears of happiness, love and hope.

"A Cup Of Comfort"

Today I have consciously taken a step to get myself out of this "funk" I have been in. I am not sure why or what started it...maybe my period, the weather, the let down after the holidays...Whatever the reason I really need to take responsibility to make myself feel better. Knitting has a way of making me happy. It must be something about making, producing, creating with my own hands or I just enjoy it. Either way I have started a knitting project and started to feel the clouds lift. While digging around in my yarn basket I see a book that I bought a while back. Back when I was still wavering about my faith this book kept popping up while I was a TJ Maxx. Everywhere I looked a copy of this book was there. So, thinking "Hey, maybe, just maybe this is a sign from God", so I bought the book. It has been a year or more and I haven't even cracked it open to read the introduction. Today I finally started reading it. With each short chapter the clouds are lifting and I truly am feeling better. The book is wisely called "A Cup of Comfort. Book of Prayers". On the front cover it says "Stories and reflections that bring you closer to God". I am not sure if that is really the case with me but to read these stories from ordinary people and their prayers has done my heart and head a world of good. It has been my Cup of Comfort. And has given me a few thoughts to ponder (which I love) and I can't wait until my dear friend Shar comes over so I can share these pondering thoughts with her. We have some of the greatest conversations about the Lord, our faith, and everything that goes with it.

I'm a winner!!!

I am so excited to win the book "Why?" by Vernon Brewer. C.C. at His Heart, held a contest for the book, and I won! Yayyyyyy. I almost never win anything. Thank you C.C. I can't wait to read it.

Yesterday, I went to my first woman's small group meeting at the Church. It was fun. A bunch of women sitting around drinking coffee, having muffins, talking about a book we are all reading. The book is "Practicing our Faith" by Dorothy Bass. The chapter we read and talked about was Keeping Sabbath. How perfect would it be to really hold Sabbath and have a whole day for rest. I think we are really going to give it a try. Anyway, what a good time I had. I can't wait to go again.

Today I saw my sister Gia. It is always nice to have her come home. She is leaving on a cruise on Monday. Am I jealous? Yes! Happy for her? Thrilled!! We almost peed laughing so hard playing Wii. Seriously, I think we are going to require people to wear depends when playing. Boxing is the best. It works your arms and abs, but also, with us being fat over weight our large asses jiggle when we play. How funny!!! It is really a blast. I can't wait until she gets her Wii and we can play together over the Internet (because she lives in Maine and I live in Vermont). Although, the most funny game to watch us play in the cow racing. Hope everyone can play that sometime.
Until later...
Dawn

Let me explain...

Let me explain my updated "about me section"

For those of who know me, it is weird to hear me speaking of God, religion and faith. I haven't "found" God as in finding a person, but more like I have found myself believing in a supreme being, more to the story than this, a higher power sort of thing. Most of my life I have never believed any anything other than "this is life". I am not sure if it is because I am getting older, having children or just the time, but I really "believing" in something more. It comforts me in a way I have never been comforted. The reason bad things happen isn't just because life sucks sometimes, but there is a reason beyond my own existence.
As far as "hearing" God. I am not hearing voices (well sometimes, JK HeeHee). I just have a feeling, sense, something I can't really explain, in my life. Never has this happened until recently. I have been pushing it aside for a while, but the last few months I have been listening, feeling, and I have some comfort in it.
I find myself looking forward to going to church on Sunday, and I am loving learning about God, Christ, and everything that goes along with them. I don't expect everyone to find God the way I have, but I just want everyone to look and learn. Maybe there is nothing for you, but what if there is. Only good can come from looking.
Enough of my soap box. Thanks for listening, and if my new found faith is annoying you - just tell me to stop talking about it.

Heart wrenching

I sat up last night and this morning reading these heart wrenching blogs from families that have lost their babies. I can't even image the pain these families are going though. The babies had such birth defects that they could not survive outside of the womb. But these amazing moms carried their babies as long as they could and gave birth, to hold them for a few precious moments before the babies would pass away. I am in awe of just how amazing and strong these women are. One thing they all had in common was this tremendous faith in god and his plan. I am so envious. I just don't have this "faith" in god's plan. These amazing women and their families find comfort in their faith and seem at such peace. I had a miscarriage between Griffin and Zachy. It was the hardest, most painful (mentally, physically, emotionally) thing that I have ever been though. I was just 12 weeks along but had seen the baby on the ultrasound (just a little "Speck") and saw the little flicker of its heart. As I have said to my husband at each pregnancy "Even if this baby never comes out of me. I am still its mother". I had already become "attached" to this baby. I had talked to it, tried to come up the names for it and really was in love with the little one. I tend to think more scientifically at things rather than thinking of gods plan. I understood that something wasn't right with the pregnancy and it was my body making the decision to end the pregnancy, but that didn't make it any easier. After losing the baby, I was a wreck. I just couldn't get it together. My days were just a haze of going though the motions to get the kids fed, bathed and bed. I cried all the time, I barely talked to anyone. The heartache was unbearable. My chest and breast ached at the thought of the baby. There was this huge emptiness. Nothing could fill it. No one made the hurt less. If I had the faith these mothers have maybe I could have healed quicker. Maybe it would have been somewhat easier (for a lack of a better word). I still think of the little baby that I lost. I my own mind I call him/her Speck. That was what we had referred to it after the ultrasound. When I think about the baby I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. I understand how awkward it is for people to hear about a loss of a baby and Jonny just doesn't understand the depth of my loss. He just didn't have the connection to the baby think I did. My loss was a miscarriage. The fetus didn't really look like a baby, but these women held their dying babies in their arms, at their chests, with their husbands and family. I really cannot put in to words my admiration of these women.
After my miscarriage we were blessed with Zachy. He doesn't take the place of the baby we lost, but he fills the hole just a little and gives us true joy everyday. I am thankful for the wonderful blessings that my 3 boys are. I hope that the families I have read about find a way to heal.