Remembering

As I was reading some of my Facebook friends status update today (the ones from people without children), I started thinking back to my life before having kids. Jonny and I were so carefree, relaxed, easy going and slept well. It was not rare for us to throw some clothes in a bag on Friday evening and head out of town for the weekend or jump on the motorcycle at 7:00pm and head to Lake George (a 45 minute to 1 hour ride) to play mini golf or something as simple as going out to eat or go tanning. Life was easy and required no planning to leave the house for a simple errand or took days to plan for a babysitter so that I could go tanning (which I haven't done in over 3 years). I was feeling a little bit of jealousy, missing those carefree days.

Doesn't he look like an angel here

But then my little guy Zachy in his feety pj's climbs into my arms for some snuggle time. This is my life now. We snuggle, wipe noses, change diapers, wipe tears, shed tears, clean up messes, get sloppy kisses, warm hugs, no sleep, endless planning, few restaurants, and much more thankless, none thrilling sometimes frustrating tasks. As I sit in the chair snuggling Zachy I realize yet again that I am truly blessed and more than happy with where I am in my life and would not have it any other way. Then as the guilt starts creeping in for longing for my past life...I push it away. I have no reason to feel guilty about remembering or missing that part of my life. It was great and wonderful! I can love all the stages of my life and I can less than thrilled with other stages of it. Remembering the past is helpful in shaping my future.

Hello????

Sorry, another bitch fest. Ryan and Griffin are driving me nuts. Ryan used to have a lot of common sense for a 6 year old. All of a sudden he has none. I think when they go to school and start learning academics they lose their common sense. Must be not enough room in that little skull for all the info. For some reason he thought it would be fine to glue small pieces of wood together on the carpet in the living room...WTF! So I stop him and ask "Do you think that is a good idea?" "No" he says to me. I ask him why. He tells me it would make a mess. So, if he knew that why would he do it. I tell him to go in the kitchen and he proceeds to show me the glue isn't coming out well and what happens...All over the carpet. Again, WTF!! He just told me it would make a mess. I don't know, maybe I expect too much from him.

Then Griffin...Lucky he is cute or I would ship him off. I am up stairs trying to nurse Zachy and lay him down for a nap. He is at the stage when he hears something he has to look so he hasn't been nursing well. I have told the boys not to come into Zachy's room when I am nursing him unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire. So, Griffin, comes in which I am not thrilled with but he is being quite. Next thing I know he is talking to the dog in the annoying baby voice he uses. I tell him to go down stairs but it is too late, Zachy is up looking around. I still try for the nap and lay him down. After a lot of crying (Zachy not me) I go back upstairs and try to nurse him again. I know (now that I am writing this) it doesn't seem like a big deal but at the time I just was at my limit.

Now Ryan has his friend over (Dillon) who is a very sweet boy. Ryan just has a hard time sharing his friends. It could be a long afternoon. Soon both boys will be on Christmas break for two weeks. I have a feeling it is going to be hard. I will have to schedule a lot of play dates for them.

Now I am off to make lunch.