Where did my baby go?!

Where did my baby go?!

One day old

No, I did not lose one of my kids (not today anyway). It is just that Zachy will be turning two on Sunday! I can't not believe that my baby is growing up so fast. He is such a little man now and that fact that his birthday is 2 days away, I am having a really hard day. With the other two boys I was generally ok with them getting older. Believe me, I still teared up on their birthdays but there was hope we would have more babies. Or I was already pregnant with another. But with Zachy really being our last...it is even harder.

Minutes old

Every milestone he achieves makes me so proud and so sad. My baby is not so much a "baby" anymore..."sniff, sniff"

One week old

Being a Mom is so bittersweet! But the best job there is! Love you, my little Zachy! No matter how old you are you will always be my BABY!

Weaned

Sad


Nostalgic


Surprised


Happy


Relived


Thrilled


These have been the emotions I have been living with for the past 2 weeks. Why you ask? Well it has been just about 2 weeks since I completely weaned Zachy off the breast. I know he is almost 2 years old and that is just weird to some people (it used to be weird to me) but he was only nursing at nap and bed time. I finally bit the bullet and put an end to it. Why all the different emotions...Well...

Sad because he is growing up to fast.


Nostalgic because I miss him being a baby.


Surprised because it seemed so easy to do.


Happy because bed time is easier.


Relived because it went so well.


Thrilled to have my boobs to myself (and my husband).

Remembering

As I was reading some of my Facebook friends status update today (the ones from people without children), I started thinking back to my life before having kids. Jonny and I were so carefree, relaxed, easy going and slept well. It was not rare for us to throw some clothes in a bag on Friday evening and head out of town for the weekend or jump on the motorcycle at 7:00pm and head to Lake George (a 45 minute to 1 hour ride) to play mini golf or something as simple as going out to eat or go tanning. Life was easy and required no planning to leave the house for a simple errand or took days to plan for a babysitter so that I could go tanning (which I haven't done in over 3 years). I was feeling a little bit of jealousy, missing those carefree days.

Doesn't he look like an angel here

But then my little guy Zachy in his feety pj's climbs into my arms for some snuggle time. This is my life now. We snuggle, wipe noses, change diapers, wipe tears, shed tears, clean up messes, get sloppy kisses, warm hugs, no sleep, endless planning, few restaurants, and much more thankless, none thrilling sometimes frustrating tasks. As I sit in the chair snuggling Zachy I realize yet again that I am truly blessed and more than happy with where I am in my life and would not have it any other way. Then as the guilt starts creeping in for longing for my past life...I push it away. I have no reason to feel guilty about remembering or missing that part of my life. It was great and wonderful! I can love all the stages of my life and I can less than thrilled with other stages of it. Remembering the past is helpful in shaping my future.

Zachy Update

Yesterday we had Zachy's 1 year old well child visit. Well it was suppose to be a well child visit, but he has been running a fever since Sunday. The doctor decided not to give him the vaccinations but to do the physical and check his ears and what not. He weighs 19 lbs 15 oz which is the 10th percentile, and is 29inches long which is the 45th percentile. That is just like his brothers.
While the Dr was doing the physical she found that he has a swollen spleen. As she was feeling the swollen organ she was not positive it was his spleen or kidney. Dr. A decided to order an ultrasound to find out what is swollen and why. She really thinks it is just the virus that is causing the high fever is also causing a swollen spleen, but she wants to be safe. We ran a urine culture to rule out an uti and kidney infection (I just heard from them that was negative). I asked the Dr what else could cause his spleen to swell if it was not a virus. She really did not want to tell me because if it is not a virus then that leaves the big scary things (which I will not even write about). I told her I am one of "those" parents that will just go home and research it and scare myself so she might as well tell me. She did get a little laugh out of that and we talked about what else it could be. She did reassure me that she really thinks it is just a virus, but rather be safe than sorry. I agree. I have to say I am worried, after all he is my baby and there is a chance (very small) that it could be more than the virus. But I do believe that it will be nothing more than a virus and he is just fine. As a precaution please say a little prayer for Zachy (it couldn't hurt). We go Friday morning at 8 am for the ultrasound. He can't have anything to eat or drink for 4 hours before the appointment. He will not like this. He still nurses and has been nursing a lot because he hasn't been feeling well. Now I am off to clean the kitchen.

***Pray for Stellan***

Too Cute Zachy!!!

Some things I thought were just too Cute! I had to share:

Zachy's 1st Birthday!!

I can't believe my Angel Baby is now ONE! He is more a little monster than an angel baby now. He is endlessly into everything. It is funny to see how birth order shows up in the personality of the children. At the age of one, Ryan would only be told once or twice not to touch or do something and he wouldn't do it again. Griffin would get into to things but was easily distracted. But Zachy, he is into everything he isn't suppose to be and laugh as he is hearing you say no or try to distract him. Oh well, he keeps me on my toes.
Every 1st birthday of my boys I have cried. I really expected myself to be a sobbing mess with Zachy, but I was just a little weepy. He is such a character, which makes it hard to be sad even if he is growing up. We only have a couple of pictures of Zachy's birthday. Being the 3rd born, things like this happen. Ryan's 1st birthday (along with everything else) has a ton of pictures. Griffin had less pictures and Zachy has very little. But here is what we have. Oh, I forget to mention, the morning of his birthday, he fell into the banister in our upstairs hallway. He has a cut and a couple of good bruises. There are more pictures of that than of his birthday party.

I can't believe all my little guys are growing up so fast. Ryan having his first school concert, Griffin having play dates at a friends house all day, and Zachy turning 1. I am so sad that I don't have a little baby anymore. I would love to have another baby, but my husband won't allow it (not to mention he has had a vasectomy). Adoption would be great, if our house wasn't so small and my husband agreed. Although, the cost of adoption might just be a little more than we could afford (more like a lot more). Maybe some day we could adopt a little girl.

Odds and ends

I have nothing really important to write about (not that my blog ever has really important stuff). I just wanted to gush a little about my wonderful kids and post a few pictures that I took over the last couple of weeks.
My little Zachy is being the wonderful baby we all know and love. Today at the grocery store he was sure to smile and giggle and baby talk to everyone in the store. I love getting the comments about how cute and happy his is. Usually when I go the store I have 3 or 4 kids and all I hear is "wow, you have your hands full" even when the kids are being very good and quiet. I don't think having 3 kids is a lot and when I have Becca that makes 4. Did everyone forget not that long ago it wasn't unusual to have 5 or 6 kids. I have a mere 3, really its not that hard (well, sometimes it is).
Griffin is being extra lovable and huggy. He just wants to cuddle and love us. In between the whining and tantrums that 4 year old have.
That leaves my oldest Ryan. He is such a sensitive guy. He does really think of others a lot. With Brads death he has been really concerned about Abby, Becca and Lynn. He made a wonderful card for them. We are told that Ryan has befriended a little Autistic boy in his class. Ryan tells us how A is his best friend. Ryan takes good care of A. He also helps this little girl L. She has had a very hard life and Ryan helps her with hew tray at lunch, her coat, her backpack and all the little things this girl needs. He is the first one to offer to help with A. When we pick Ryan up from school every child walking by makes sure to say good-bye to him. He is well liked and very nice to all the kids at school. Yesterday I noticed the new little girl was seated next to Ryan. I wonder if it is best he is such a nice boy.
Last but not least. My husband Jonny. I am extremely luck to have him (for the most part). He does a lot of the house work, laundry, and yard care. He does really well taking care of the boys (maybe a little improvement with Zachy). He loves taking Griffin to school and picking both boys up if he can. He tries to include the boys in the work around the house.
I guess by writing this post I am really saying how thankful I am for having such a wonderful family, and I wouldn't be able to carry on without any of them. I am truly blessed.

What a great and wonderful day to be an American!

**Tuesdays post. For some reason I just never hit the post button****

I can't tell you how happy I am to have Pres Bush out of the White House. Obama is what America needs. This is probably the most positive event in the history we are making. Our children's children will be reading about this day in their history classes and I am so happy to have a hand in making it happen. Yes I voted for Obama and I am so happy it worked out the way it did. I don't understand how people can not like him. Just listening to him speak is a breath of fresh air. Now down off my soap box...

Today we spent the day playing on our wii. I can't believe I was allowing the kids to play it so much but it is soooooo fun. I almost wet my pants laughing so hard at myself. I think this is something that needs to be played at the next family dinner. Although, I think we will need to be wearing adult diapers. It is that funny!!
My angel baby is back. He has been so grumpy, but today he was his normal happy self. All his giggles and smiles were back and little to no whining today. I am so happy to have my happy guy back.

Waiting Patiently

This is my niece, Kate, holding angel baby Zachy the day he was born. She has always been there for me and right now I am sitting here waiting so very patiently for her to update her blog. Today was her first day at Culinary school. I am so excited for her! I do miss her being at PCT, she would have time to email throughout the day. Now she is at school or her new job with no time for emails. I hope she blogs tonight or I will have to give her a call.

As for our Monday: It was hard. Something is up with my angel baby, Zachy. He has cried all day, which is not like him. He is usually a very happy little guy, but today he wasn't sure what he wanted and nothing made him happy. Right now I am listening to him cry over the monitor, because he is really having a hard time falling asleep. He had little naps today, one of which was on Daddy. That was the only way he would sleep, somebody would have to be holding him. I was happy that Jonny took the time to hold him, and rock him while he slept. Jonny usually isn't home or too busy to hold the baby for any length of time. I guess that is the price we have to pay to have me home full time, without working.