Driving me CRAZY

This in one of the days when being "MOM" is hard. Griffin has been sick, but doing much better. Although, he is driving me crazy. It has been endless...he is always climbing on me, following me around, and nonstop whining. Sometimes I just can't handle it. And today is one of those days. I have tried to be patient with him but around 6:00pm I just lost it.
So far on this blog it has been me just gushing about being a mom. But today is one of those days I would change my "name" in a second. He whines "mooommmmmyyyy" and all the hair on the back on my neck stands up and every muscle tenses. He has sat with me all day, followed me room to room (yes even the bathroom) and has watched me bath his baby brother. All the while asking for juice, hugs, tissues, blankie, new socks, chicken nuggets (which he didn't eat), all the things he can get himself. I understand he needs more attention, more cuddles and hugs because he is sick but I have had enough. He has cried because is older brother breathes on him, touched him, laughs, and even because Ryan sat on the couch.

This is one of the examples of loving your kids while you don't really like them. But tomorrow may be different. He just might be my favorite tomorrow. We will see.

Long days, short nights.

It has been a long couple of days. With very short nights. Griffy has been sick with the croup. Talk about awful!! Thursday night we didn't get more than 2 hours sleep for the whole night. He was running a very high fever, awful sore throat, and the worst cough I have heard in a long time. My heart just broke for him. Not to mention it was pretty scary. Every time the poor guy would lay down his airway would close (the croup swells the throat). The only way he could sleep was sitting straight up, so he would lean against me and try to sleep only to wake up with such a sore throat he would be screaming. The doctor gave him an oral steroid and we need to keep using his inhaler. Yesterday was pretty bad also. He would cough and then cry because it hurt so badly, and then he would throw up. Being only 3 years old (almost 4) he couldn't make it to the bathroom to throw up, so we had quite the mess in the kitchen to clean up. Lucky for me, Jonny was able to come home to clean it while I gave Griff a bath.

Today he is much better. He slept all night without any problems and woke up with a much looser cough (good sign). He as been back to normal today, a little tired and coughing some.

It can be really hard being a mom. When your kids are sick and there is nothing you can do really hurts. Listening to you child struggle to breath is unbearable, but that is all part of being a mom.

Thurs Nov 20

It has been a few days since my last entry. Not much has been happening. The normal, laundry, picking up, grocery shopping. I really enjoy my days now that I don't have daycare. I am so much more relaxed and happy.

The house smells great today. I am making sauce for lasagna tonight. I love the smell of sauce cooking, it reminds me of when I was a kid and mom would make sauce and everyone would come home for dinner. We are having Jodi and Ted over for dinner tonight. Oddly, this is the first time they will be here for dinner. I can't believe we have never had them over. We have family dinner with my side of the family almost every Saturday. I can't imagine not sitting down to dinner with my family a few times a month. The boys even look forward to family dinner night. It is just a nice tradition. We sit down for dinner and the conversation starts flowing, then the laughter. I think it brings us closer as a family, which is needed in this world now a days. Most of the time we never make it back into the living room, we just sit around the table talking and laughing. Sometimes we play cards and have coffee with dessert. The kids play games together and the dogs run around. Sitting here writing about family dinner night really makes me feel grateful that we do it. Jonny has ask if we have to do it every Saturday, and well, as I write this I am thinking "why wouldn't we want to". It is just so wonderful.

First Snow, Thankful Nights

I was so happy to wake up today to see some snow! That is November in Vermont, one day it is almost 60 degrees and we are wearing T-shirts the next day there is snow on the ground. I just love it. Snow also helped get the boys out of bed this morning. What little boy doesn't love snow? Ryan jumped up to look out the window, he never jumps out of bed.

Last night:
As I lay in bed last night listening to the baby monitor I was thanking God for our little guy Zachy. He wasn't a planned pregnancy (far from it) but honestly he was the most wanted. My husband Jonny decided for us that we were not having any more children after Griffin. I agreed with him because sometimes life is just easier if we agree with him. But a couple of years later, life had a different plan for us. After the initial shock, I was more than thrilled. Who wouldn't be thrilled with a little baby?! And just so happy that the choice was taken out of our hands. We didn't have to agree or disagree, there was no discussion. He was just on his way. I have to tell you, having a third baby and knowing that it was our last, I was able to truly enjoy everything. When you are a new first time mom, you really don't know how to enjoy it all. You just don't know what to look for. With our second child I was just so tired all the time to think about relishing in the fact I have another baby. Our third is just a blessing in every way. Knowing that he was our last made me just enjoy every little thing. It also helps that Zachy is just the most happy little guy, easy going, sleeps most of the night and nurses well. If anyone reading this thinking about having a third child. Go for it! The third is just an amazing, wonderful addition.

Life with Jonny

This is my husband, Jonny. For the most part he is a wonderful husband. Overall he is a great guy. Sometimes we do not see eye to eye, but in what marriage does that happen. I must say I am not always the easiest to get a long with. I can be moody and snappy. I have battled with depression since after our first son was born. It is hard for people to understand depression unless you have it. Some days I feel like Jonny just does not want to be here. Maybe it is a man thing or maybe it is just the depression distorting my views. My depression is under control. I try not to use my illness as an excuse for my behavior or thoughts. Although it would explain a lot of my outburst. Anyway, Jonny is a great father to our boys. He plays with them, is involved in their schooling and really tries to be patient with them. It is very hard for him to be patient. He is very strict, likes order and peace. Unfortunately with 3 boys that rarely happens in our house. Jonny forgets what he was like as a young boy. I am sure he was not the angel he claims he was.
Most of the "big" decisions in our life swings in Jonny's favor. Like I said before, it is just easier that way. We usually talk about it but I usually just go with the flow. Now I don't want anyone to think I don't get my way, I just have to make him think it was his idea. Something I have learned in the 13+ years we have been together. He still is the love of my life. (What a sap!)

Starting the blog

I honestly have no idea what I am doing starting this blog. I just want to journal my days with the hope that someone might stumble upon this blog and enjoy my story and feel like they can relate. I am a wife to a very good guy. Most of the time he is a great husband. We are parents to 3 little boys, Ryan is 6, Griff is almost 4 and Zachy is 7 months. They are wonderful and very exhausting. Our family also includes Cassie. She is our 2 year old Australian cattle dog.
I used to run a daycare in our home but have stopped that to focus on our children and be able to volunteer at their schools. It feels great to be able to do this. For the longest time I was "stuck" at home with the daycare kids. I felt disconnected from adults and longed for some adult interaction. I still have days like that but we are able to get out and do things. The only "downfall" is that I don't get a lot of house work done. I am free to leave the house so I feel like I should be on the go. The kids behave better when we are out, so it really makes for a less stressful day. Until my husband comes home. He is usually not too happy that the laundry isn't done or the dishwasher needs to be emptied. But overall I am a lot happier which leads to the children and my husband being happier.