Holidays and Horrible days

I do love the holidays. The music, the lights, the excitement...but then some of these days turn just horrible. Really, I have been having a hard time at home with my kids and husband. Most days, one if not more of us are so miserable it turns the whole family into grumpy Guss'. Understandably, the kids get over stimulated, Jonny is on edge because of money and I just am a miserable person (apparently). Some people feel that way about me. I usually feel like I am a good natured person...

On to other news...The kids are growing by leaps and bounds. Ryan needed a little help with reading and spelling so he has been in a tutoring program at his school. It seems to have helped but his teacher would like him to do one more session. I am torn about it...He is at school from 9 am to 4:30 pm on the days he has Academy (M, T, W). I notice the on Wednesday he is a little grumpy and worn out. Is that worth it if it is getting the help he needs so that he doesn't struggle in school...Probably. Ryan has also been having a really hard time with not getting his own way and everything being "unfair" to him. I am not sure where this is all coming from but I will keep working on it with him.
Griffin is just Griffin. He loves school, his friends, and his trucks. Griffin has this love of trucks that I have never seen before. He will sit at the table and drive his little trucks around, loading and unloading for hours. He has his little quirks...he whines all the time and is very sensitive about being physically hurt and getting his feeling hurt. But overall he just goes with the flow.
Zachy of course is still the little devil. I swear he has horns growing. He can be sweet and funny and loving, but then will turn around and do something that he knows is wrong. He does naughty stuff all day long. From getting into the dog food or toilet to climbing on the table and pushing every button in our house. He is also going through this temper tantrum stage. When he gets mad he will throw himself on the floor and/or bang his head on anything near him. We have started using time outs which work for now.

Fearsome Fours

Anyone have a four year old out there? I can't tell you how hard a four year old can be. I rather have 10 two year olds. Griffin is in the prime of 4. He talks back constantly, has a really snotty attitude, and cries/whines at a drop of a hat. He is endlessly pushing my buttons and testing his limits. I am at the end of my hope with him. Yesterday, he pushed me over the edge. I didn't spank him or yell and time outs stopped working, so I soaped him. Yes I put soap in his mouth. And before anyone gets mad and thinks that it is cruel and unusually punishment. I have to tell you it was all natural, organic soap. So yes it taste bad, but no it did not hurt him. He hasn't talked back or spoke rudely to me today. It must have worked some. Now I don't think this is something I would do on a regular basis, but in a pinch when nothing else works then I think it is fine to use. Yes, I do use some positive discipline and I really try to make natural consequences teach the lesson, but when it comes to talking back, being down right rude, and plain disrespecting people there has to be a punishment. Kids are entitled to speak their opinions and feelings but no one has a right to be rude to another person. That is something I try to practice in my own life and want my kids to realize and practice in theirs.
Tell me, how can a kid this cute be so annoying?I still love you my little man!

It feels like Monday...

I am sure the calender says Wednesday, but the way the morning has gone I swear it is Monday. It all started with Zachy getting up at 6:00am. I don't know about you, but we are not morning people. We roll out of bed at 7:00, shower, dress, try to eat and out the door to school at 8:00. So, 6:00am is a little too early for us. Then Zachy would not eat, which makes going to the bus stop a little less fun (he will whine and cry because he is hungry). Ryan decided he would go with Daddy to the bus stop, so I thought "Phew, dodged a potentially rough day". Well I spoke to soon. Jonny called from Griffin's school. It is picture day, we haven't handed in the payment and order form, Griffin isn't wearing anything picture worthy, and his hair is crazy, needing a cut. Oh well for the hair, but then I had to find the order form, find a shirt (clean) and run everything down to school, with fussy Zachy who hasn't eaten and Becca.

Really is it Monday?

We made it all in one piece with a little crying, but we are back. Zachy still hasn't eaten, and Cassie (my dog) is being a little attention hog. At least it is warmer today. The kids will have to play outside (even in the mud) just so I won't lose my mind today.

Checking Mckmamma's blog did not help. I am so sad about Stellan. I just can't believe nothing is working for that poor little guy. I will keep Praying as I have been all night. As I was being to feel helpless and discouraged about little Stellan I can upon this prayer. It was just wanted I need, so I have been repeating this endlessly.

Prayer for Trust in Jesus
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.
--- St. Ignatius of Loyola

Please take so time to Pray for Stellan, maybe just pray. Think of the Lord as a friend that will listen to all you have to say. Good, bad, thankful, ungrateful, God will listen. Enjoy this day, it is a Gift from God.

Ryan waiting for the bus with Daddy. I miss doing the school things.

Should be doing housework...

Here I sit with the laptop in my lap. I should be putting clothes away and starting a load of laundry. I could be vacuuming, doing dishes or just picking up. But I am so tired and have a horrible cold. Zachy was up a lot last night because he is still sick. He has a snotty nose and must just feel yucky. He has whined all morning and can't decide what he wants. First he wants me to hold him and then be put down, then eat and not eat. Finally I put him down for a nap. Which of course he didn't want, but feel asleep after fussing for a few minutes.

It is so hard seeing your baby and children sick. I can't image how it must feel to have you little one struggling to live in the NICU. I am saddened by a cold, and it is just a cold. I feel for all little preemie babies and caner sick children and their families. I really feel the need to get out there and do more. I support the Relay for Life and I have been the neighborhood fundraiser for the mothers march, but I need to do more. Maybe I will look into the Walk for babies. The March of Dimes will be holding a walk on April 26th (I think). Would anyone be interested in making a team with me? I think the walk is 7 miles, which I can do myself but would be nice if some people joined me. I will look into it. Just give me a heads up if you would like to join me in supporting them. Thanks. I will keep you posted.

Here is a picture of my friends twins. They were born 8 1/2 weeks early. This picture was taken after weeks in the NICU and they started to get better. They were very sick little babies, and we are very thankful they are with us. They are now 2 years old and doing very well!

It is hard to look at these pictures now. Ryan Joseph was so very sick, they didn't not think he would make it. He was diagnosed with NEC. After a bit of research on it we came to realize just how sick he was. Bethany would forget to breath quite often, many times turning blue and having to be resuscitated a couple of times. How scary for parents. I thank God for the health children we have. Thank you, Alicia and Dave for allowing me to be a part of their life's.

Monday blues

Boy is it ever a Monday! It started off pretty good, then within 30 minutes of getting out of the shower the typical Monday reared its ugly head. Becca came and just cried for her mom as she left for work. Then as we are trying to get out the door to meet the bus, Ryan decides he needs something to eat (I can never get him to eat on a normal day). So, not wanting to pass up getting him to eat breakfast I cave in and let him have oreos. I know, not the best thing, sugar and more sugar, but a least he dunked them in milk. LOL We then dash out the door to meet the bus which luckily was running late also. Griffin who always loves to go to school whines that he doesn't want to go today, he wants to stay home with me. He gets over that quickly, but it is just one more whine that I don't want to hear. Jonny is off to get Griffin to preschool. The bus picks up Ryan. Becca, Zachy and I settle in back home for a quiet morning. Wrong - Zachy got up to early so his routine was off, he didn't want his breakfast and wouldn't nurse. Just kind of crying, whining and finally went back to bed. Ryan's teacher calls, he is very upset and crying because he forgot his mittens (or daddy didn't pack them). Normally not a problem for me to run them to school but I was not about to wake Zachy. I let her know I will bring them up as soon as I can. Taking a chance I call Jonny and he is able to bring Ryan his mittens. Jonny reports back that Ryan was still quite upset that as soon as he saw Jonny he started crying all over again. Jonny hugs him and tries to assure him if it happens again we will just bring them up. I just don't know about that boy. He is so sensitive. We can't throw off his routine in the least without throwing him into a funk for the whole day. I hope he shakes it off before he gets home from school.

Cheated

Yesterday was a very hard day. I am sure part of it is my hormones and part is the kids are bored from being on vacation for two weeks. But I really lost it yesterday evening. I had listened to the boys fight, Griffin whine and cry and Zachy scream and cry all day. As I was trying to talk to Jonny's mom on the phone Zachy was screaming (for what appears to be no reason at all), fighting me the whole time that I was trying to feed him dinner, and then screaming and kicking when I was changing him. Griffin was being needy, just whining and complaining that he wants this, needs that and "nobody likes me" (which is becoming his phrase when he is not getting his way) while Jonny was in the living room watching hockey. Finally, I was over the edge! I had to set Zachy down and walk away. I went upstairs to my room and hid. As I lay on my bed in tears, all I wanted was my mom. Now, I haven't been that way in a long time. My mom is elderly and sick. She hasn't been able to be the Grandma to my kids the way she was with my nieces and nephews. I longed to have her be able to take my kids for a few hours, the way she used to with my sisters kids. If she was healthy and younger, I wouldn't be so stressed all the time. I would have her there to help me. When my sisters needed a break or just wanted to go to the store alone they would drop their kids off with my mom. Nothing was ever more important to my mother than her kids and grand kids. Her house may not have been spotless or her laundry done, but the kids were happy, fed, and entertained. I feel cheated that I don't have her in the way my sisters did. She would never say she was too busy to have the kids, or that she couldn't take them. Everyone was always at her house. There was always 5 to 7 kids running around and then someone would call or stop by and there would be more kids. That was just the way it was, and I am very jealous I don't have that luxury. I can't even call her to cry to her. My moms mind is gone, she has dementia. Half the time she thinks I am my sister Ellen. What I wouldn't give to have my mom the way my sisters had her. I guess I haven't mourned the loss of what my mom used to be. It is very hard to lose her mentally and then have to think about losing her physically also.

Driving me CRAZY

This in one of the days when being "MOM" is hard. Griffin has been sick, but doing much better. Although, he is driving me crazy. It has been endless...he is always climbing on me, following me around, and nonstop whining. Sometimes I just can't handle it. And today is one of those days. I have tried to be patient with him but around 6:00pm I just lost it.
So far on this blog it has been me just gushing about being a mom. But today is one of those days I would change my "name" in a second. He whines "mooommmmmyyyy" and all the hair on the back on my neck stands up and every muscle tenses. He has sat with me all day, followed me room to room (yes even the bathroom) and has watched me bath his baby brother. All the while asking for juice, hugs, tissues, blankie, new socks, chicken nuggets (which he didn't eat), all the things he can get himself. I understand he needs more attention, more cuddles and hugs because he is sick but I have had enough. He has cried because is older brother breathes on him, touched him, laughs, and even because Ryan sat on the couch.

This is one of the examples of loving your kids while you don't really like them. But tomorrow may be different. He just might be my favorite tomorrow. We will see.