Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"Living" with depression

I have a lot to say on the topic of depression. I understand it, I have been living with depression for years. I used to say "suffering" but now I choose to say "living" with depression. I realize, mostly because of my sister, that there is definitely a difference. A little more than a year ago my sister tried to commit suicide. Since then it has been a rocky road. For her, but also for all of us who love her. I am at the point were I am just sick of it all. It doesn't seem like she is choosing to live her life. She is stuck in the suffering mode and it is driving us all crazy. I know she has had a really hard time getting a handle on her depression, she tried to kill herself, has done inpatient therapy, has had ECT and is now seeing a therapist and using some meds. But I have a feeling that she is waiting for something to make her feel better rather than working on it herself, trying to feel better. Than I start wondering if her depression is really so bad still or if she is just really unhappy in her life. She has so much negativity but never does anything to change things. It is like dealing with my 4 year old. He gets mad and just pouts so I am always saying "Use your words and tell people why your upset. When you just pout no one knows what is bothering you." My sister gets mad or upset and just pouts. Hello...you are an adult use your words and tell people (especially her husband) what is bothering you. It is a hard lesson to learn, but come on, if you tried to kill yourself wouldn't you try anything to make yourself more happy. Maybe getting your feelings heard will help. And stop the "suffering" make yourself start living, it really is not that hard to get up and do something. Even if you feel like staying in your pjs all day. If you know that isn't healthy for you, then don't do it. If your therapist suggest strategies to help yourself, maybe using them might work. Give things a try, be proactive on your own road to recovery. When my depression starts sneaking up on me, I might have to try a couple different things to start feeling better. If one doesn't work, I will try another or two. I don't know but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of the suicide attempts. And I hate living on the edge like that. I wish she would just try to help herself. It just might work. Maybe that is what she is afraid of??

1 comment:

  1. I too have been dx w/depression. I have been off my Lexapro for 3 weeks and do have my highs and lows, but am working through them. I am also going to be going off my other med soon. I will keep that one with me until I feel that I can deal. But, yeah, I choose to live and I really can't "live on the edge" worried everyday if I am going to get a phone call. If someone wants to die, they will find a way. I would never be anyone's fault, but the one who is gone.